A Throwaway Comment That Started a War
"My Nationals could definitely beat your Masters."
"I don't know about that…."
That was it. A throwaway comment at training in Leicester, a photo taken on the spot to mark the occasion, and suddenly I was wondering whether Paris Parchment had a point. The Nationals had pace and athleticism. The Masters had serious grunt in the trenches. It could make for a very interesting game.
There was a practical reason too. A lot of people had just shelled out for Las Vegas and the coffers were almost empty. A home game with a Sealand storyline made even more sense.
February 22nd. The Sealand Seahawks descended on the dome in Leicester. Booked, locked in, and given a name that felt entirely appropriate.
This was Civil War.
Only the Sealand Seahawks Would Do This
The lead-up was weird. Wonderfully, typically, Seahawks weird.
Seahawks Legend Nick Benning was Head Coach of both the Nationals and the Masters, which meant he had to pick a side. He chose his mates in the Masters, which left a vacancy with the Nationals. Me being me, I stepped in, and we came to a little agreement about how to mark the occasion.
The captains and both head coaches would stride out to the middle of the pitch before kick-off. Nick as Luke Skywalker. Me as Darth Vader.
Because why not? The lads on the pitch get to dress up. Why shouldn't we?
Prince James was in attendance with his children and, knowing me much better now, His Royal Highness has come to expect nothing less than daft. He was not disappointed.
Coming back from Vegas, I had just over a month to readjust to UK life. That meant sourcing a Darth Vader outfit, checking that uniforms for newer players had arrived, and making sure everyone knew where they needed to be.
The Strangest Coin Toss in Sealand History
Head of Sealand Officiating Sir Mike Woolnaugh handed the official coin to Prince James for the toss, and the game was underway.
It is a very strange feeling going up against people you know. Normally you are studying your opposite number and working out how to take them apart. This time, I knew every single person on that pitch. I remember saying to the Nationals lads, "I can't wait for you to put them on their arses," and then immediately adding, "but I wouldn't be upset if the Masters won, to be fair."
Not exactly the most menacing pre-game speech Darth Vader has ever delivered.
The Game Itself
Nationals QB Joe Thompson opened the scoring with his legs after a pass to James Perry was called back for holding. The Masters responded quickly, with a pass from Rik Lowthion finding Aaron Wheatley all the way. Power back Andrew Johnson punched in another score, and there might have been more before the half, but for the ball bouncing off the dome's roof.
Not something most American Football players ever have to account for.
The dome threw up another quirk. The pitch was only 70 yards long, meaning we could only play in one direction. That made for an interesting kick return, with the returner running it all the way back into, well, nowhere. Mike Woolnaugh, never short of a solution, spotted the ball as if the returner had been tackled at the 15 yard line. The defensive players were not entirely satisfied with this outcome.
Denziel Harmitt flew in for another touchdown, and then came the hit heard from the Principality itself. Ant Marden stopped Joe Thompson dead in his tracks on a point after attempt. If you have never heard two full sidelines of American Footballers simultaneously say "Oooooof," it is genuinely like nothing else.
Chris Green had been telling anyone who would listen in the fourth quarter that a specific play would score. He called it in the huddle, ran it, scored, and trotted back with the most satisfying "told you so" smile in Sealand Seahawks history.
Final score: Nationals 28, Masters 6.
Everyone could go back to being family again.
Sweaty Cuddles and a Sealand Legend Bows Out
Normally after a game, both teams line up and shake hands. "Good game. Well played." Not this time for the Sealand Seahawks. Given that everyone on both sides of the ball knew each other personally, the post-game handshake line turned into a series of sweaty, slightly dinged-up cuddles.
It was emotional for another reason too. Sealand Seahawks Legend Brad Norman played what he called his last ever game, bringing down the curtain on a 20-plus year career in American Football. Though, as the saying goes in the sport, you retire three times, and with the Sealand Seahawks 5th Anniversary match in Dublin in January 2027 on the horizon, Brad has quietly mentioned he might have one more run out before he actually hangs up his boots for good.
Sir Mike Woolnaugh was presented with the first ever Seahawk Spirit Award. He has been at every single Sealand Sports charity event since 2022, contributing every penny of his referee fees to whichever cause we were raising money for that day. A man who started as the boss of SAFRA, the Sealand American Football Referees Association, and has since risen to Head of Officiating for all of Sealand Sports. A true legend of the Principality.
No Rest for the Wicked
There was no time to celebrate for long. Plans were already in motion for something considerably sillier and very much in keeping with what the Sealand Seahawks are about.
Over 200 Sealanders descending on Brno, Czech Republic. The Women's team facing the Brno Amazons. The Masters taking on the Czech Old Stars. The Nationals squaring up against the Brno Sigrs.
Three big squads, all keen, one massive Eastern European party.
Because why wouldn't you?
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